The Secret to Happiness is Lowered Expectations

Hello, we are progressing through my blog series

10 Things I Would Tell ANYONE

#4: The Secret to Happiness is Lowered Expectations

©®™Etc. Rock Rockstead – “I thought of this a long time ago.”

(That reminds me of David Chappelle spoofing Tupac singing “I Wrote This Song a Long Time Ago.” Remember that…?)

Like a really long time ago. Anyway, people like to argue on this one but hear me out. The secret to happiness is lowered expectations. Why? Super simple answer: if your expectations are at zero or close to it, you are always going to be thrilled. Let’s try it:

You get it. There’s actually some science to this. I mean, I’m not going to give you the science, but if I did it would probably sound like this: if you set your own expectations appropriately, then you won’t become disappointed. And I know this is true, because I apply it in my life all the time!

I guess I arrived at this as a result of my anxiety. When I was a kid, if something changed, like, say, instead of going straight home, we were going to stop by the store, I would sort of not do well with that change. It took a long while but I began to realize, I don’t handle abrupt changes well. I get kind of freaked out. What takes you a second to readjust in your brain takes me much longer. So you can’t really just spring things on me and expect me to be cool as a cucumber. I don’t like surprises for this reason, also. And of course, I hate pranks. It’s not that I don’t have a sense of humor; I’m just not equipped well for surprise, especially surprise laced with meanness.

Over time I learned that my expectations are key, from very small things to very big or important things. So continuously, in planning and preparation for small tasks to large projects, trips to the gas station or trips across the country, I consider my own expectations. How do I expect x to go, and is this a reasonable expectation? Have I considered all the contributing factors that I can think of? And so on.

This is also an extremely good habit in dealings with others. Whether in your personal or professional life, it always benefits the other party when expectations are clarified – what is expected of others, or what they expect of you. I recently had occasion to phrase something like, “Now, please tell me what exactly are your expectations in terms of x,” and you sound kind of smart and put together when you do that – ha!

Finally, always communicate expectations even when there’s no movement or if something is delayed or has gone sideways. On the giving side, you want to inform the other party what’s going on and set their expectations. On the receiving side, don’t you prefer to hear, “Hey, we have a delay on getting that part we need but expect it the day after tomorrow,” instead of just being left to wonder what’s going on?

So in summary,

Set appropriate – I would argue lowered – expectations for yourself of others for your own personal benefit.

Set appropriate expectations of others so that they understand what is required of them for your mutual benefit.

Ask others what their expectations are of you for mutual benefit. Are they appropriate? And for all three of these points, revise and advise as needed.

Then everybody’s happy!

Your friend,

Rock Rockstead inappropriately expects you to accept him as an author, blogger and artist. He shares his thoughts here, but doesn’t expect you to agree if you don’t want to.